#hatebeingapuss

Sitting here next to my P90X DVD set.  Of course next to that is the equipment that I need to do the required exercises.   I can hear them taunting me. I kinda sucks but I understand that if I stick to it I will get stronger and better equipped to do the routine. Unfortunately I hear the negative more than the positive which only causes me not to want to do it.  I know that my "milkdud" "porkchop" body fights me every second of everyday.  It is really hard when there isn't instant results.  I know I know that in time I will see it.  The truth is I have seen it.  I have noticed a few changes.   However in my selfishness I want someone else see it.  It is such a different feeling when someone else sees things changing for the better.  It is just in my nature that when I hear anything positive changes my motivation.

Kinda the way I feel about my "spiritual" walk.  Most of the time I feel like I am totally blowing it.  However there are moments when I get a "atta boy"!!  I know that my "spiritual" and "physical" life is closely related.  When I feel empowered like I just did a killer workout or when I help a friend through a storm.  I just feel like I am unstoppable!!  Then there are workouts that just kick my anus-cabanus and i feel so flippin weak.  I hate being a puss!!  So the only way not to be a puss is to keep pushing play and stay in the shadow of Jesus.  So here I go!!  They are calling me see ya!!!

Harder to believe than not to

I have read many of the passages in the Bible about how the children of Israel chose to follow other gods and ticked God off.  I read and I have caught myself saying to the pages "Don't you remember what God said?"  It sometimes drives me crazy to read.  In those moments I have wondered what was it like to see God do the things He did.  Like the plagues and the crossing of the Red Sea.  Then days like yesterday happen.  I was having coffee with a friend of mine that I have had since I was in high school.  He asked me a question.  "So what is going on?  Catch me up in the life of chad."  That is when time seemed to stand STOP!!  In that moment God spoke to my heart and here is what He said.  "You have a choice right to shape your future. You can complain or you can worship Me.  Remember 'Obedience is better than sacrifice'.  So how are you gonna answer the question?"  There in that nano second I responded.  "Ok I am not gonna complain.  I gonna remember what You said!"  So then I proceeded to share what God has spoken to me over the past few months.Granted it hurt to talk about some of the stuff but at the center of it all was obedience.  I keep the story of King Saul in my head.  When he chose not to do the thing God told him to do to save face with the people and feed his ego.  It;s easy for me to point out all the stuff that hasn't happened yet but to focus on the promises of what God has for me.  It;s about believing.  It truly is harder to believe than not to.

Has it really been 18 years?

This time of year is really bitter sweet for me.  The reason being that on the 9th back in 93 I was in a horrible car crash.  My friend Brian and I had been out for a joyride but things went very bad very fast.  We flipped several times.  Which twisted the car into a pretzel.  Brian lost his life that night and for some unknown unexplained reason I survived.  I will never forget the aroma of that night.  How cold and how loud everything was then stone silence.  I think back of the events and there was nothing I could have done.  Brian was driving since it was his RX-7 twin turbo.  Then a short two weeks later my little brother crossed over into eternity on the 30th.  Both of them 17 years old with what we call "their whole life ahead of them".  I have had several thousand nightmares about both situations sometimes the bleed into each other.  I know that was one of the most trying times in my faith.  It's the words of my youth pastor the echo in my head every time the crap starts hitting the fan.  After my brothers funeral we were talking and he said "Nothing will be harder than this."   There have been painful moments since then but he was right.  Everything compared to that moment of time have been easier.  For a simple fact that Jesus walks with me.  We (Jesus and I) have a incredible relationship.  Knowing that even though this month is scarred with pain it also holds the moment when I gave my life to Jesus.  After climbing out of the twisted beer can of a car.  I was alone and in that cow field I met Jesus.  I quit drinking, smoking pot, and cigarettes all the same time.  I gave it all to Him.  So here I sit with a wife 3 boys and all the other stuff I never thought I would have.  18 years seems like a eternity.  We talk about moments that are unforgettable and time we cherish.  Well these are two of those times that I will never forget.

#nonetheless

I think we can all agree that God answers prayers in ways that we may not agree with.  Sometimes He answers in the totally opposite direction.  Which I have to admit that drives me CRAZY!!!  But anyway God has answered a prayer of mine.  I have been praying a prayer for the past 5 years or so.  Just waiting and standing and watching the whole thing just fall apart and crumble and turn to dust.  But none the less I have continued to pray and speak God's word over the situation.  I mean that is what the Bible says to do.Eph.6:13 "...having done everything, to stand firm." so I have been doing just that.  Now here we are watching God answer in a way I wasn't aware of until recently.  Now funny thing is some people are like SO excited for the answer we got but others are like SO pissed!!  It is just funny that they all are "saved"  and are very active in their churches.  It just is very frustrating to listen to all the bullcrap!!  I really just wish that people would just trust that we Carrie and I can hear from God and follow Him no matter where it takes us or what He asks us to do!!  I know I am ranting but the question remains.  Would God answer in a way for everyone to agree?  Probably not so I guess our response should be to trust God and the ones that are being obedient to what they hear from Him.

#redletterchristian

I think it's time to start operating in the power and authority that the RED letters meant us to.  Think about if we scratch that if I started to actually take the RED letters for real then things would change!!  So here it is the moment in time when EVERYTHING changes yet again.  You see I have to start lookin at the one in mirror instead the ones in the photo of my eye.  It has to start here.   No I am not saying that I am the only one.  It's time for us all but you see I am the only one responsible for me.  So here I go jumping off the deep end gonna push envelopes that didn't even know existed.  I just can't sit here and do nothing listening to others shuffle their cards.  I am playing my hand going all in.  So in the words of the Paul if you wanna see how to live WATCH this RED letter christian!!

#closerthanyouthink

Things have so shifted in my life in the last 40 some days.  The have been two things that have gotten stronger.  One my wife and I are closer and feel more together than ever before.  Secondly my personal relationship with God.  Is amazingly close!!  It's like the whole "walking with" Him thing.  I love that I am in a position that can hear and activate the things of God.  No longer worried about what other people think.  Not that ever really did.  But here I am to snatch the ones I can from the fires of hell.  It's about the relationship we all can have.

#mynumber1

So there is so much I wanna say but there isn't the words.  All I is that I am just hours away from finishing a 40 day fast.  There has been alot that I have learned.  The one thing I want to bring out is this.

On our wedding day I washed Carrie's feet sayin that I would serve her.  I did that with every intention of being the"man" she would always needed.  I've come close most of the time.  The thing when I would ask her opinion I would not really ask her.  It would be more like "Here's what I am doing what do you think?" It would be more of a statement than a question.  So Jesus has brought it to my attention that I need to value her opinion.  So with that being said.  I dont know if she will read this but if so " I love you and your opinion matters to me.  I want you to understand that you are number one."