Hold your mouth right

So there I stood on the creek bank as I cast my bait into the water.  As the bobber danced on the service of the water a question formed in my head.  "How am I supposed to catch a fish?"  So I stood there hoping that something would latch itself to my hook.  I glanced over to my grandfather as he pulled out the first catch of the day.   It was a bluegill as big as his hand.  It was a definite keeper.  I ran over to see the fish and with a beaming smile I asked "How did you do that?"  My grandfather who us grand kids called "Pop".  Pop replied "I was just holding my mouth right."

So I went back a cast my line out again and stood there for about 45 minutes contortioning my mouth in every position possible.   Then suddenly my bobber went beneath the surface.   The battle was on.  I was so excited that I almost fell off the river bank.   As I reeled him in I proudly held it in my hands victoriously.  It was my first small mouth bass.  I rebaited my hook and cast it back out into the water.  Then I stood confused.  Pop asked me what was the matter?  I said can't remember how I was holding my mouth!

Now I know this story is simple minded.  However we have all done the same thing.  We pray and ask God to answer our prayers.   We wait with anticipation and hope that He answers us.  Then we begin to do things that might get His attention.  We try the things others have done and even the things that have worked for us in the past.  However sometimes our prayers go unanswered.  Now I'm not saying there aren't things that help.  However I think sometimes we focus on our actions more than trusting Jesus to answer.  So just to let you know that there isn't some secret formula to getting the answers we want.  All I do know is that:

Jesus loves us.

Jesus wants the best for us.

So now I ride a bicycle

Having children changes you.  You see things in a different light.   Most the time I am reminded about all the crap I put my parents through and what might be waiting for me when our boys get older.  

Well in the course of raising our boys have come with a few bumps and bruises and of course bloodshed and tears.  Some of the hardest for me have come through teaching them how to ride a bike.  I got first hand view on how God must seen me.  

First, there is the actual taking them into getting on the bike without the security of the training wheels for the first time.  Totally gripped by fear they cling to the bike like it has been part of them since birth.  As I would try to steady them so we could begin our journey down the drive way they wily beg and plead for me not to let them go.  

Then of course after a few trips back forth their courage grew.  Much like how our spiritual courage grows when Jesus begins to show us how to do the things he has equipped us to do.  

Then of course comes the fateful words "Let me go Dad!"  I hesitate at first then ask them are they sure?  With a voice of excitement they repeat again "Let me go!"  So I release them and observe their victory.  Although sometimes the victory is a short lived one.  As the crash into ground scrapping the flesh from elbows and knee caps which unleashes a flood of tears.  

As they looked back at me in a moment of disbelief and anger.  The thought of how could I have let that happen to them.  Like I was the cause of the wipeout.  

I catch a glimpse of what has gone on between God and myself.  As I pint out how He failed me or didn't protect me from certain devastation.

Then I hear myself say "You're OK." as I wipe the tears from their eyes and the gravel from their wounds.  Their world has been reduced to one moment of complete terror.  

So often I have found myself in the same scenario where I ask Jesus to use me and things end up in a hurtful bloody mess.  However even though those moments take place we still get back and climb back on the bike.

Why for the moments when we don't wipeout and learn a new trick that leaves us with sense of pure nirvana!!  

So now today I ride a bicycle so I can see how Jesus might use me to help others that might feel like they wiped out or that they feel like God abandoned them.

Not who I thought I was

I took a good hard look in the mirror this weekend.  Not one of those lets see what I look like looks but one of those who I really am looks. 

I took a look at the details of my life.  Things like fatherhood and husbandry.  However I also looked at things like who do I surround myself with, who is "inner circle".  I also looked at things like am I as close to God as I thought I would be?

No this isn't one of those "pitty parties" it is just a personal evaluation.  

So as I examined myself things started to become more clear.  No I wasn't 20 anymore, nor am I close to death.  

I realize that we all set goals and have ambitions in life.  Things that I have fallen WAY short of. 

It's easy to throw myself under the bus or point fingers to place blame of why I am where I am.

I wish I be a patient listener like my pastor friends, or even a joyful person like Jocelyn or Juan.  I am SO jealous of what they have.  

Even now as I write this I'm thinking of how stupid this sounds. Maybe I need someone to kick me in the nuts or something.  

It just sucks that how different life would be if things really played out like they did when I was young slaying dragons in my bedroom.

My Secrets

   Yesterday I was on my FB page and a friend of mine posted this video that he found on youtube.  It was about how this suicide teenage girl shared her story through a series of note cards that was displayed without speaking a word she broke my heart.  Then I noticed in the "Related video" option there were a bunch similar teenagers with similar stories and similar videos.  As i watched my heart broke more and more.  My thought was simple.  Where were the people that claim to be "Christians"?  I know that your thinking that well they didn't ask for help.  Here is the thing.  I'm not throwing the "Christians" under the bus however I am asking "Where are we"?  "Why don't we stand up"?

   I remember when I was in the 7th grade.  I was having a friend of mine stay the night at my place.  Some of the "cool kids" found out and confronted me with the news.  You see I also hung out with them so their reputation was at risk.  Just because my friend was a foster kid and had some mental disabilities.  So there I stood in the hall way in front of about 20 of my fellow students with a choice to make.  My response was simple "Yea he is crashing at my house"!  The crowd paused for s second there were a few laughs but the one that asked me smiled as to congratulate me on sticking to my guns.

   I wish I had one other good story but the rest are all about how I was ridiculed for the friendships I had with the "uncool kids".   That seems to be a epidemic.  We question about why school shootings happen and call the shooters EVIL, CRAZY, COWARDS.  Well their actions as horrible and seemingly unforgivable.  We hear reports about how they were bullied and picked on.  So maybe just maybe if we reach out those that may not be as "cool" as us then we might just have the answers they are looking for.

With all do respect

So if I sit down a write about what is going on it sounds like I am pissing and moaning.  Your response will be something like "Praying for ya" "Keep your head up"  "Better days are ahead"  or some other bullcrap like that. I understand that your trying to help but it really doesn't.  On the other hand if I get on here and shout out all the "blessings" I have.  Then your response will be something like "Isn't Jesus awesome"  "How Blessed you are" or at least something close.  So to stop any advice that you might have I read something this morning.  It was out of the book of Job.42: 5-6 

5 I admit I once lived by rumors of you; now I have it all firsthand-from my own eyes and ears!6 I'm sorry-forgive me. I'll never do that again, I promise! I'll never again live on crusts of hearsay, crumbs of rumor."

So here it is.   It doesn't matter what Jesus did back in the 20's or 60's.   I am not interested in hearing what He did last week.  It is about the NOW!!!!!  Much like Job I have been living off of hearsay.  I know He speaks to me often.  So that is what I a basing my belief in Him and the things he has for me.  So I understand you want to help but with all do respect SAVE IT!!!!!!

#hatebeingapuss

Sitting here next to my P90X DVD set.  Of course next to that is the equipment that I need to do the required exercises.   I can hear them taunting me. I kinda sucks but I understand that if I stick to it I will get stronger and better equipped to do the routine. Unfortunately I hear the negative more than the positive which only causes me not to want to do it.  I know that my "milkdud" "porkchop" body fights me every second of everyday.  It is really hard when there isn't instant results.  I know I know that in time I will see it.  The truth is I have seen it.  I have noticed a few changes.   However in my selfishness I want someone else see it.  It is such a different feeling when someone else sees things changing for the better.  It is just in my nature that when I hear anything positive changes my motivation.

Kinda the way I feel about my "spiritual" walk.  Most of the time I feel like I am totally blowing it.  However there are moments when I get a "atta boy"!!  I know that my "spiritual" and "physical" life is closely related.  When I feel empowered like I just did a killer workout or when I help a friend through a storm.  I just feel like I am unstoppable!!  Then there are workouts that just kick my anus-cabanus and i feel so flippin weak.  I hate being a puss!!  So the only way not to be a puss is to keep pushing play and stay in the shadow of Jesus.  So here I go!!  They are calling me see ya!!!

Harder to believe than not to

I have read many of the passages in the Bible about how the children of Israel chose to follow other gods and ticked God off.  I read and I have caught myself saying to the pages "Don't you remember what God said?"  It sometimes drives me crazy to read.  In those moments I have wondered what was it like to see God do the things He did.  Like the plagues and the crossing of the Red Sea.  Then days like yesterday happen.  I was having coffee with a friend of mine that I have had since I was in high school.  He asked me a question.  "So what is going on?  Catch me up in the life of chad."  That is when time seemed to stand STOP!!  In that moment God spoke to my heart and here is what He said.  "You have a choice right to shape your future. You can complain or you can worship Me.  Remember 'Obedience is better than sacrifice'.  So how are you gonna answer the question?"  There in that nano second I responded.  "Ok I am not gonna complain.  I gonna remember what You said!"  So then I proceeded to share what God has spoken to me over the past few months.Granted it hurt to talk about some of the stuff but at the center of it all was obedience.  I keep the story of King Saul in my head.  When he chose not to do the thing God told him to do to save face with the people and feed his ego.  It;s easy for me to point out all the stuff that hasn't happened yet but to focus on the promises of what God has for me.  It;s about believing.  It truly is harder to believe than not to.