The Apology

Ok so a few things have happened since we last spoke.  My wife and I made a very difficult decision and left the church that we had helped launch and get off the ground for the past 3 years.

The reasons aren't important to talk about right now but if you want to know you can call our text me. (309) -648-2897 

Anyway I have come to discover that as much as "Church" is great it is also a wicked and vile thing.  Now before you get your panties up in a bunch hear me out.

I want to apologize to the ones that left any Church that I have attended and never called to see what happened.  Maybe I could have helped ease the pain a little or at least prayed for you.

To be totally honest this revelation has only come to my attention since we left the place we called "home".  Out of the people that I considered as "friends" only a handful called to find out what happened.  Worse yet only ONE lady contacted my wife.

I mean if we are gonna call ourselves the "Family of God" then treat each other like this'll. There is no doubt why the world thinks we are a joke.

It's crazy to think that in a fraction of a second how quickly the tide turns.  

So with this brokenness I am apologizing for anyone I've hurt or made feel unwelcome.  Please forgive me for hurting you.  

So now comes the time where I have too dust myself off and lead my family to the next adventure that God has for us. 

I just needed to get that off my chest.  Thanks for reading and I hope that Jesus walks with you daily and shows you how much He loves you.

Just Tired

I was standing and watching this kid getting his butt kicked.  I mean he was outnumbered with no chance of escaping the beating he was taking,  The surrounding crowd cheered as the beating continued.  It was hard for me to watch at the age of 10 years old.  Watching and just doing nothing to try to change the outcome of this young mans life.

So many times we find ourselves in a crowd of people that are cheering for the things that would devastate us if the things were happening to us.  Yet we watch and say nothing because of the overwhelming acceptance of the horror that is taking place.  We make excuses for not standing up when it was an obvious moment when we could have.  We are afraid of offending someone, or pissing someone else off or even putting ourselves in harms way.  The idea that standing up might just cost us something terrifies us.

We think that someone else will do something or maybe they are getting what they deserve.  Whatever the excuse you remain in a moment of frozen animation.  You justify your lack of action by not doing anything as a thought of it's none of my business or it's not happening to me so I'm not gonna get involved.

Well the truth of the matter is this.  Heaven and Hell are two very REAL places.  Now before you get your panties up in a bunch.  Here me out.  The problem is this.  We have grown accustomed to the idea that things will just "pan out".  Well if that is true then your motionlessness is justified but what if just what if you were put in this moment at this time to step in and try to change the outcome and the suffering and the pain in someones life. 

I'm tired of just standing by and saying to my self that "Well Jesus You take care of them."  Maybe the reason we are standing there watching this brutality is to step inside the circle and put ourselves in the line of fire.  Yea it's gonna hurt and your gonna bleed and get dirty.  You might even piss some people off and maybe loose some friends.  However the ONE taking the beating is in a spot were they need some one to step up and help them out.

Now I started with a story from my childhood.  Well I did something that day.  I stepped inside that circle and defended this stranger.  I would love to say that once I stood inside everything stopped.  Well it didn't and we fought until the teachers showed and broke us up.  The strangers name was Daniel and we became best friends after that.  We never went anywhere without each other.  Turn out he was my next door neighbor.  You see I had just moved into town and didn't have any friends until that day.

So my question or maybe challenge is this.  Aren't you tired of watching the brutality??  Then it's time to stand up.  It won't always be the popular thing.  But it's about pouring yourself into some one else to help them find the life that Jesus does talk about.

Jump

So there I stood like a million different kids had before me.  A stared down to what would surely be my watery death.  I stood looking down from the top of the high dive.  As every eye on the planet started up at me.  Which was really just a few of my friends and of course the kid behind waiting to see my demise.  Then I saw her look my way.  Her name will remain a secret but her glance gave me the courage to simply jump.  

It felt like an eternity as my 3 foot 5 inch 75 lb frame fell from the sky.  I really thought for a minute that I would fall forever.  Then came three crashing impact.  The cold pool water as it ripped the skin from my body.  As I resurfaced I took the gasp of air to bring me back from this watery grave.  I couldn't seem to breath.  So I struggled to get top the side as my "friends" laughed and applauded my perfectly executed (not on purpose) belly flop. 

As I got to the side I looked back up to the point of where I plummeted.  I didn't seem as high from this angle.  I pulled my self out of the pool just in time for this unnamed beauty to walk by and giggle.

My self confidence was shattered.  However my friends thought it was the craziest thing they ever saw.  So even though my pride took a hit my street cred went through the roof that day.

So I said all of that too bring this up.

"Do not, therefore, fling away your fearless confidence, for it carries a great and glorious compensation of reward."(Hebrews 10:35 AMP)

Every time I read this I think that event in my childhood.  I remember the nervousness, fear and the pain of the fall.  However I also remember the pure victory of having my friends go nuts. 

The same goes for us when we go fearlessly out and do the things that God is asking us.  On top of that I think He is even my pto us when we are afraid and do it anyway.  So let me leave you with this.  If the Holy Spirit is asking you to do something then just jump!!

Oh btw the girl later did tell me she thought it was pretty cool.  

The Process Sucks

Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides. You know that under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colors. So don’t try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way. (James 1:2-4 MSG)

This for a long time was my favorite verse in the Bible.  Until I had to live it out.  I mean the idea of being "mature" and "not deficient" thrilled me.   Then I had to live out the first part of the verse.  The part that gets over looted by the wanting of the result.  The "tests" and "challenges" SUCK!!. The thing is we can just pick and choose the ones we go through.  They have a way of picking us.  And if I was completely honest I haven't faced any of them with the idea of them being a "sheer gift".  In fact I have hated most of them.  Simply because they HURT!!. I have been reminded of the line in the movie of The Princess Bride where Wesley as the dread pirate Roberts barks at her the line.  "Life is pain".  It loses its humour when applied to real life.  At least for me.  

I also don't like the idea of not getting out of it.  I love getting out of painful situations.  Unless I'm getting a tattoo then bring it on.  So as this verse has wrapped itself around me.  I have felt it's grip just envelop me.  Now I understand that it's part of a process.  But it's the process that hurts.  However it's also the part where you gather strength and endurance.  So this verse has a whole new meaning for me.  Yea I love being a more mature person.  But I hate the process.  

Now if you're going through something which I'm sure you are.  I pray that you develop quickly.  

Kicking the door down

So in the past few months I've been on this journey.  I have been on this search for the perfect time, perfect moment, perfect condition to do the things that I feel Good has called me to do.   There have been several "bumps" in the road.  Things that I have taken as "closed doors".  So this is gonna be where the doesn't exactly start but defiantly continues.  So check it!! 

I was sitting in the kitchen of my grandmother-in-laws house at either Thanksgiving or Christmas times a few years back.  When I heard God speak.  He ask me to read the story of David and Goliath.  Which is found in 1Sameul 17:19-54. So I did, like I had a million times before.  When I was finished He asked "What do you think?". I sat kinda puzzled because I really didn't get anything ness out of it.  So He asked me to read it again.  So I did.  This went on for about 3-4 read throughs.  Each time I don't get anything. Then He pointed out a certain verse.  Verse 36 which reads:

"Your servant has struck down both lions and bears, and this uncircumcised Philistine shall be like one of them, for he has defied the armies of the living God.” (1 Samuel 17:36 ESV)

I sat there in a moment of clarity figured out what the Holy Spirit was trying to get through to me.  It was the word "uncircumcised".  Now if you're a guy you whence a little. If you're not sure what that word means ask your mom.  Simply because your dad will be in too much pain to explain it.

Anyway you are the importance of that word was vital.  I mean the only people back then that were circumcised were male Isrealites.  It was a mark of the covenant they had with God.  So every time the took a leak they were reminded of their covenant.

It's because of the faith in that covenant and faith in God that David had the courage or should I say the balls to gave Goliath.  The crazy part of the story is that every soldier on that hill side had the same mark.

So what does that have to do with me.

Simply this Jesus extended that covenant to all mankind.  When He died on the cross for our soon to reconnect our covenant.   So since I have the same covenant with the Holy Spirit that David did then I have the same authority that David did. 

So with that being said let's activate that authority that comes with that covenant.

So if you want some prayer leave a prayer request or text me at 309-648-2897 and we will pray and get things done.

Songs that changed my life!!

Its easy to get on here and just complain about how things just SUCK!!  But that isn't my motive.  I mean there is to much time wasted on "ranting" but I do it.   It is kind of therapeutic for me.  However today I want to share some of my favorite song lyrics that have helped shape Chad into the man he is today.  Some of it you might laugh at but others you will be like that figures.

Anyway lets start out with one that might be a shocker!!

"You can stand me up at the gates of hell and I won't back down."  Tom Petty

This just sounded so ballsy the first time I heard it back in 89'.  It followed me and I turned over my "christian" leaf it totally had a new meaning.

"Will you let Me be the quiet in that storm you created?" Disciple "Be the quiet"

I was going through very hellish moment when this song met me.  I was broken and just pissed off at everything and everyone.  Then I heard this on accident and just cried!!  This song holds a special spot in me.

"Don't try to reach me, I'm already dead."  Jars of Clay "He"

This one hit me in a place that I was in total complete agony.  It just spoke to me that Jesus still loved me even though everything just felt dead to me.

"Some times our broken hearts are healed the moment we believe again."  Mortal "Rift"

This song brought so much joy and excitement to me that I still scream these lyrics and feel invincible.

"I'd rather take a shot in the chest. Than take a shot in the back.  At least I'll see it coming and I'll know where I'm standing at."  Pillar "Crossfire"

This speaks for itself.  I was so tired of getting shot in the back that the idea of taking a shot in the chest felt relieving.  I mean to look someone in the eye my hurt but at least you see the emotion behind it.  This song just flipping awesome!!

Then there is the songs that saved my life.....

"You found me broken in a place called misery.
"You found me full of hatred yet empty....And though I don't You why You value me.
I'm forever grateful for Your mercy."  Six Feet Deep "Release"

These are just a few of the songs that have totally impacted my life.   There countless more but these are just a sample.   Oh one more.

"We don't need no truth less heroes!"  Project 86

This pushes me to be truthful no matter what!!

Perfect drug for my addiction

So I have a confession to make.  I have a addictive personality.  Meaning that when I experience a "high" I LOVE it!!!  So I find myself trying to find ways to recreate that moment.  I used to have a rule I lives by and it was this.  "Let's see how close I can come to dying today without dying." So pretty much everyday I pushed myself to seek out those opportunities.   Now some days were more crazy than others but that is just what I did.

Now a few weeks ago I had an experience with the Holy Spirit that I have been trying to recreate.  I want that "high" I know it sounds stupid but like I said I have an addictive personality.  So in the past few weeks I have been waking up and simply saying " Ok Holy Spirit what are we doing?"  Now some days have been more productve than others however the rush has been there.   

Here is the thing.  Back in the day when I saw how close I could come to dying there were sometimes outside forces that "encouraged" me.  Sometimes weed and alcohol.  However they assisted with my most addictive drug.  Aderenaline!!  So all the weed I smoked or alcohol I drank I was searching for the adrenaline rush of cheating death one more time.  The thing is the more you do the more you do!!  

I kept hitting plateaus so that caused me to keep pushing the envelope.  I did a lot of stupid things.  I'm not gonna go into details right now but you can ask me later.

So I said all of that to say this.  I have hit a plateau.  So I have been trying to recreate that experience or "high".  It's crazy because I know that it's not supposed to be about how I feel.  But I it's how I am wired.  I wish the Bible was more about the "everyday" life of people instead of just the highlights.  So here is what I am gonna do.  

I'm gonna straight see how far I can push the envelope.  Not to recreate but to simply let the Holy Spirit take me wherever we are going.  I just need to relax and trust.  Yes there is nothing like praying for those guys at Mcd's that I felt like the Holy Spirit telling me to.  Seeing the smile in thier faces afterwards was a rush for me.  

 I just don't think I'm gonna get used to having this moments.  They are alYs gonna be a rush for me.  So Holy Spirit I don't want to ask You to come any more. I want You to stay so I can have this "high" as a way of life.  So let's do this!!