I took a look at the details of my life. Things like fatherhood and husbandry. However I also looked at things like who do I surround myself with, who is "inner circle". I also looked at things like am I as close to God as I thought I would be?
No this isn't one of those "pitty parties" it is just a personal evaluation.
So as I examined myself things started to become more clear. No I wasn't 20 anymore, nor am I close to death.
I realize that we all set goals and have ambitions in life. Things that I have fallen WAY short of.
It's easy to throw myself under the bus or point fingers to place blame of why I am where I am.
I wish I be a patient listener like my pastor friends, or even a joyful person like Jocelyn or Juan. I am SO jealous of what they have.
Even now as I write this I'm thinking of how stupid this sounds. Maybe I need someone to kick me in the nuts or something.
It just sucks that how different life would be if things really played out like they did when I was young slaying dragons in my bedroom.
