Cause I know you don't understand...

I love love love the fact God and my Provider!!  Thank You Jesus!!!  I feel like right now that I am starring down the hillside at this giant running his mouth!!  I am surrounded by all these battle trained men.  Wondering why these threats burn me so deep!!!  This hits so close to home.  That it is like I see Bryan in all of them.  I can hear the screams and the disappointment in his emptiness!!   They haunt me, they drive me, they motivate me.  I know I can't silence them but I can prevent them from having company!!  So that is why this giant that stands  in front of has to be beheaded!!!   So here I stand looking for help but I know that I have to face this alone and in front of everybody at the same time!!  kickmeinthecrotchfantastic is a understatement!!

Gonna rise from the ashes....

So I know that I am supposed to walk by faith, but sometimes I the things I am "walking " for would show up.  So yesterday as I was in a moment of worship and felt like I had a break through.  Now it has been a constant flood of thoughts how I am still down in it!!!  Which is funny b/c I have been reading a book called "The 4:8 Principle which is about controlling your thought life.  Now it isn't that I am not gonna have negative thoughts it's just about focusing things the ones that are promises from God.   The devil wants to steal my joy and my peace so I need to remember the promises!!  God doesn't lie so today is gonna be AWESOME!!!!

Got the crap kicked out of me...

(REMEMBER THIS IS BETWEEN JESUS AND ME)

So yesterday was the last day of summer vacation.  So I tried to make a good day for the boys.  Went McD's for bfast in Washington b/c a indoor playground then went the zoo.  Not San Diego but oh well.  Came home the boys had lunchable pizzas for lunch.  watch a couple of movies then church last night.  Service went pretty well.  There was this nagging thought that wouldn't leave me.

Someone at the zoo that apparently hasn't been to RC in like 5 years said more like yelled "Hey there is the youth pastor from RC!!"   I was looked back to see if Juan Rios was behind me.  He is the youth pastor from RC.  I corrected her that I was at one time.  So this all went down in about 30 seconds.  I just kept walking.  Then I was asked about how much I got paid as a youth pastor!!  By someone else.   That was the straw.  I just lost it.  It was just a flippin disaster...my ministry that is!!  I don't know why it bothered me yesterday.  I don't want tot just sit and complain and moan but You are my healer!!!  Thank You for bringing bands like P.O.D. and Project 86b into my life.  B/c the song THE BUTCHER by Project 86 has totally spoke to my heart.  It's time to get it on!!!

Hotdogs for what?!!!!

First You are so flippin AWESOME!!  I just knew You were up to something.  I logged in on FB and noticed my fellow warrior in youth ministry struggling!!  I said inside myself "I gotta do something!" So I did.  Put it on FB the things we needed.  And I heard from people that I haven't heard from in years!! I also heard from my former church home RCpeoria.org  they pitched in as well.   Thank You Jesus for relationships and for hearts that are interested in changing kids lives through sk8ing and hotdogs and soda.  Talk bout a kickmeinthecrotchfantastic day!!!

A notebook, a Bible, and a fire

(Ok first let me remind you that this is a conversation with God/Jesus/H.S.)

Last night was awesome!!  I really enjoyed hanging by the fire.  I mean that is how all the greats did it. Abraham,Moses,David and Jesus just them a fire and the presence of the most high.  It was cool to have a conversation where there were no distractions.  I love that we You and I have open communication.  I can't wait to see what the next 140 days holds.  I know that it's gonna hurt but I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all.  I understand that the pruning process probably never stops so it is gonna be a kickmeinthecrotchfantastic time!!  Oh yea today i am gonna worship you the way I do not to get attention but just to honor you!!  I hope you can see me through all the other stuff.  It can get pretty dramatic at least from my point of view.  It probably looks different from Your view at least I hope it does.

When is gonna be....

I don't want to get on here and just start gripping!!  I really wish I could be one of those people that seem to have it all together. (even though they don't)  I want to sit here and just write about how awesome God is.  I want to get on here and change someone!!  I want that when my time on this rock called earth is over that I would have made it just a little better.  So instead of just venting my daily CRAP!!!  I am gonna talk to Jesus!!  So if you want to listen in you are more than welcome.  So grab your god in a cup (tanzanian peaberry) and just please turn you cell phone to vibrate.

First I want to say thank You for always listen to all my bullcrap!!  I'm sure you hear plenty through out the day. I was thinking about how we have talked about my future.  How You have this incredible plan for The Asylum.  Well I really want it to be everything you want it to be.  I also know that I have somethings to do before that takes place.  I just don't feel like I am strong enough.  But I do know this that if the dream wasn't bigger than me then it didn't come from you.  What is it gonna take for me to do this?  It just seems so easy to just maintain rather than growing anymore.  I mean I guess I am just scarred that I am not gonna be able to do it.  So I guess I have a choice.  Go where you called me or die here just inside the promise.  Just inside the promise without experiencing the full promise.  That would suck so bad!!  To come this far and get a chance to experience the promise.  So that would truly be kickmeinthecrotchfantastic!!  So the question remains...when is it gonna be my turn???