All out of bubble gum

We have all scene the movie The Princess Bride and if you haven't you NEED to!!  Any way I have been in a pretty dark funk lately.  Seriously questioning my faith, God and everything that comes with it.  

(Oh did I fail to mention that this blog is gonna be brutally honest.). 

It's a incredible looooooong story but basically here is what is going on in the world of Chad.

My health is going down the pisser, so I have to take a cocktail of medication several times a day.  I have been diagnosed with CHF (congestive heart failure) which is I curable.  I am constantly going in and out of Atrial Fibulation.  Which causes my legs to swell with all the excess water retention.  I have had FOUR eye surgeries in the past TWO years!  So all of that to say I feel like a puss pour husband and a piss pour father.  Oh did I mention that we are expecting our 4th boy in October!!  

So all of this crap is hitting the fan at once which is taking its toll on me spiritually as well.  I feel like I'm getting my anus cabanus kicked daily.  

I have been trying to figure out what I did wrong and how I pissed God off!  So in my soul searching and daily rants about how much my life is sucking at the moment.   I mean I used to be a youth pastor that had a awesome youth ministry!  Me and Jesus were tight.  But something happened.  I have spent 5 years trying to figure everything out. 

Then the Holy Spirit spoke to me.  He said you need to "Go back to the beginning."  I was like what are You talking about?  Then in my head the movie The Princess Bride played.   Not the whole thing just this one scene.  The scene where Inigo Montoya was drunk and talking to himself.  "Ok you told me to go back to the beginning.  So here O am at the beginning."  

Now before you ask I did not get drunk and start waving a sword in the air.  I did however go back to the beginning.  

I pulled out the Bible I used when I was a youth pastor and the devotional that I used to read daily.  So with my sticker Bible and my Smith Wigglesworth devotional I went down to my office.  I sat down and cried!  

I let Godhear it all!!  About how I felt!  How the idea of Him "walking" with me wasn't enough.  Since He could make it all stop whenever He felt like.  So then I read the devotion through the tears.  

Romans 12:2c (The Message)

"God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you,"

I stopped and thought for a second.  

Every "hero" has a villian that is constantly trying to take them out.  

Every "hero" has a weakness.  That the villian tries and tries to wipe out the "hero".

I wiped my eyes and began to think.  I must have a destiny that is scaring the piss out of someone.  So if all of this crap is coming at I gotta fight through it!  That doesn't mean I'm not gonna have bad days.  However it does mean this.  That I am on the offensive!!  Hello my name is P-Fro and I here to kick butt and chew bubble gum and I'm all out of bubble gum!!!  

Thank You Jesus for the call on my life!!