Perfect drug for my addiction

So I have a confession to make.  I have a addictive personality.  Meaning that when I experience a "high" I LOVE it!!!  So I find myself trying to find ways to recreate that moment.  I used to have a rule I lives by and it was this.  "Let's see how close I can come to dying today without dying." So pretty much everyday I pushed myself to seek out those opportunities.   Now some days were more crazy than others but that is just what I did.

Now a few weeks ago I had an experience with the Holy Spirit that I have been trying to recreate.  I want that "high" I know it sounds stupid but like I said I have an addictive personality.  So in the past few weeks I have been waking up and simply saying " Ok Holy Spirit what are we doing?"  Now some days have been more productve than others however the rush has been there.   

Here is the thing.  Back in the day when I saw how close I could come to dying there were sometimes outside forces that "encouraged" me.  Sometimes weed and alcohol.  However they assisted with my most addictive drug.  Aderenaline!!  So all the weed I smoked or alcohol I drank I was searching for the adrenaline rush of cheating death one more time.  The thing is the more you do the more you do!!  

I kept hitting plateaus so that caused me to keep pushing the envelope.  I did a lot of stupid things.  I'm not gonna go into details right now but you can ask me later.

So I said all of that to say this.  I have hit a plateau.  So I have been trying to recreate that experience or "high".  It's crazy because I know that it's not supposed to be about how I feel.  But I it's how I am wired.  I wish the Bible was more about the "everyday" life of people instead of just the highlights.  So here is what I am gonna do.  

I'm gonna straight see how far I can push the envelope.  Not to recreate but to simply let the Holy Spirit take me wherever we are going.  I just need to relax and trust.  Yes there is nothing like praying for those guys at Mcd's that I felt like the Holy Spirit telling me to.  Seeing the smile in thier faces afterwards was a rush for me.  

 I just don't think I'm gonna get used to having this moments.  They are alYs gonna be a rush for me.  So Holy Spirit I don't want to ask You to come any more. I want You to stay so I can have this "high" as a way of life.  So let's do this!!