My Secrets

   Yesterday I was on my FB page and a friend of mine posted this video that he found on youtube.  It was about how this suicide teenage girl shared her story through a series of note cards that was displayed without speaking a word she broke my heart.  Then I noticed in the "Related video" option there were a bunch similar teenagers with similar stories and similar videos.  As i watched my heart broke more and more.  My thought was simple.  Where were the people that claim to be "Christians"?  I know that your thinking that well they didn't ask for help.  Here is the thing.  I'm not throwing the "Christians" under the bus however I am asking "Where are we"?  "Why don't we stand up"?

   I remember when I was in the 7th grade.  I was having a friend of mine stay the night at my place.  Some of the "cool kids" found out and confronted me with the news.  You see I also hung out with them so their reputation was at risk.  Just because my friend was a foster kid and had some mental disabilities.  So there I stood in the hall way in front of about 20 of my fellow students with a choice to make.  My response was simple "Yea he is crashing at my house"!  The crowd paused for s second there were a few laughs but the one that asked me smiled as to congratulate me on sticking to my guns.

   I wish I had one other good story but the rest are all about how I was ridiculed for the friendships I had with the "uncool kids".   That seems to be a epidemic.  We question about why school shootings happen and call the shooters EVIL, CRAZY, COWARDS.  Well their actions as horrible and seemingly unforgivable.  We hear reports about how they were bullied and picked on.  So maybe just maybe if we reach out those that may not be as "cool" as us then we might just have the answers they are looking for.

With all do respect

So if I sit down a write about what is going on it sounds like I am pissing and moaning.  Your response will be something like "Praying for ya" "Keep your head up"  "Better days are ahead"  or some other bullcrap like that. I understand that your trying to help but it really doesn't.  On the other hand if I get on here and shout out all the "blessings" I have.  Then your response will be something like "Isn't Jesus awesome"  "How Blessed you are" or at least something close.  So to stop any advice that you might have I read something this morning.  It was out of the book of Job.42: 5-6 

5 I admit I once lived by rumors of you; now I have it all firsthand-from my own eyes and ears!6 I'm sorry-forgive me. I'll never do that again, I promise! I'll never again live on crusts of hearsay, crumbs of rumor."

So here it is.   It doesn't matter what Jesus did back in the 20's or 60's.   I am not interested in hearing what He did last week.  It is about the NOW!!!!!  Much like Job I have been living off of hearsay.  I know He speaks to me often.  So that is what I a basing my belief in Him and the things he has for me.  So I understand you want to help but with all do respect SAVE IT!!!!!!

#hatebeingapuss

Sitting here next to my P90X DVD set.  Of course next to that is the equipment that I need to do the required exercises.   I can hear them taunting me. I kinda sucks but I understand that if I stick to it I will get stronger and better equipped to do the routine. Unfortunately I hear the negative more than the positive which only causes me not to want to do it.  I know that my "milkdud" "porkchop" body fights me every second of everyday.  It is really hard when there isn't instant results.  I know I know that in time I will see it.  The truth is I have seen it.  I have noticed a few changes.   However in my selfishness I want someone else see it.  It is such a different feeling when someone else sees things changing for the better.  It is just in my nature that when I hear anything positive changes my motivation.

Kinda the way I feel about my "spiritual" walk.  Most of the time I feel like I am totally blowing it.  However there are moments when I get a "atta boy"!!  I know that my "spiritual" and "physical" life is closely related.  When I feel empowered like I just did a killer workout or when I help a friend through a storm.  I just feel like I am unstoppable!!  Then there are workouts that just kick my anus-cabanus and i feel so flippin weak.  I hate being a puss!!  So the only way not to be a puss is to keep pushing play and stay in the shadow of Jesus.  So here I go!!  They are calling me see ya!!!

Harder to believe than not to

I have read many of the passages in the Bible about how the children of Israel chose to follow other gods and ticked God off.  I read and I have caught myself saying to the pages "Don't you remember what God said?"  It sometimes drives me crazy to read.  In those moments I have wondered what was it like to see God do the things He did.  Like the plagues and the crossing of the Red Sea.  Then days like yesterday happen.  I was having coffee with a friend of mine that I have had since I was in high school.  He asked me a question.  "So what is going on?  Catch me up in the life of chad."  That is when time seemed to stand STOP!!  In that moment God spoke to my heart and here is what He said.  "You have a choice right to shape your future. You can complain or you can worship Me.  Remember 'Obedience is better than sacrifice'.  So how are you gonna answer the question?"  There in that nano second I responded.  "Ok I am not gonna complain.  I gonna remember what You said!"  So then I proceeded to share what God has spoken to me over the past few months.Granted it hurt to talk about some of the stuff but at the center of it all was obedience.  I keep the story of King Saul in my head.  When he chose not to do the thing God told him to do to save face with the people and feed his ego.  It;s easy for me to point out all the stuff that hasn't happened yet but to focus on the promises of what God has for me.  It;s about believing.  It truly is harder to believe than not to.

Has it really been 18 years?

This time of year is really bitter sweet for me.  The reason being that on the 9th back in 93 I was in a horrible car crash.  My friend Brian and I had been out for a joyride but things went very bad very fast.  We flipped several times.  Which twisted the car into a pretzel.  Brian lost his life that night and for some unknown unexplained reason I survived.  I will never forget the aroma of that night.  How cold and how loud everything was then stone silence.  I think back of the events and there was nothing I could have done.  Brian was driving since it was his RX-7 twin turbo.  Then a short two weeks later my little brother crossed over into eternity on the 30th.  Both of them 17 years old with what we call "their whole life ahead of them".  I have had several thousand nightmares about both situations sometimes the bleed into each other.  I know that was one of the most trying times in my faith.  It's the words of my youth pastor the echo in my head every time the crap starts hitting the fan.  After my brothers funeral we were talking and he said "Nothing will be harder than this."   There have been painful moments since then but he was right.  Everything compared to that moment of time have been easier.  For a simple fact that Jesus walks with me.  We (Jesus and I) have a incredible relationship.  Knowing that even though this month is scarred with pain it also holds the moment when I gave my life to Jesus.  After climbing out of the twisted beer can of a car.  I was alone and in that cow field I met Jesus.  I quit drinking, smoking pot, and cigarettes all the same time.  I gave it all to Him.  So here I sit with a wife 3 boys and all the other stuff I never thought I would have.  18 years seems like a eternity.  We talk about moments that are unforgettable and time we cherish.  Well these are two of those times that I will never forget.

#nonetheless

I think we can all agree that God answers prayers in ways that we may not agree with.  Sometimes He answers in the totally opposite direction.  Which I have to admit that drives me CRAZY!!!  But anyway God has answered a prayer of mine.  I have been praying a prayer for the past 5 years or so.  Just waiting and standing and watching the whole thing just fall apart and crumble and turn to dust.  But none the less I have continued to pray and speak God's word over the situation.  I mean that is what the Bible says to do.Eph.6:13 "...having done everything, to stand firm." so I have been doing just that.  Now here we are watching God answer in a way I wasn't aware of until recently.  Now funny thing is some people are like SO excited for the answer we got but others are like SO pissed!!  It is just funny that they all are "saved"  and are very active in their churches.  It just is very frustrating to listen to all the bullcrap!!  I really just wish that people would just trust that we Carrie and I can hear from God and follow Him no matter where it takes us or what He asks us to do!!  I know I am ranting but the question remains.  Would God answer in a way for everyone to agree?  Probably not so I guess our response should be to trust God and the ones that are being obedient to what they hear from Him.

#redletterchristian

I think it's time to start operating in the power and authority that the RED letters meant us to.  Think about if we scratch that if I started to actually take the RED letters for real then things would change!!  So here it is the moment in time when EVERYTHING changes yet again.  You see I have to start lookin at the one in mirror instead the ones in the photo of my eye.  It has to start here.   No I am not saying that I am the only one.  It's time for us all but you see I am the only one responsible for me.  So here I go jumping off the deep end gonna push envelopes that didn't even know existed.  I just can't sit here and do nothing listening to others shuffle their cards.  I am playing my hand going all in.  So in the words of the Paul if you wanna see how to live WATCH this RED letter christian!!